Friday, November 8, 2013

Session 2

Session 2
Thinking back to school days, what was the outcome for you? Not academic outcomes, but who are you -

Lack of self confidence
Bit of self hatred
Felt physically incapable of things
Paranoid
Unlikeable
Funny?
Quick witted.
Need to impress others
Sort of limited myself to one aspect - 'drawer'
Internally shy, externally gobby - although that can take a while to warm up.
Often wear a mask
Strong sense of empathy and fairness
Love of reading and drawing
Quite moralistic, but willing to bend them for myself when I think no one will notice.

Reflection
When I remember my school days I struggle to remember actual lessons. I do recall how it contributed to my personality and how I see myself.
My main memories of school were of being on the receiving end of low level bullying, with the odd instance of stronger bullying. I don't think this is unique, and I'm sure I bullied on occasion too.
Mainly school taught me to be on guard against other people, to be nervous, to 'fake' a personality I hoped would make me appealing, and it taught me that if I wasn't on the receiving end of bullying I could be on the delivering end.

I notice that I left creative and/or artistic of the list. By my 4th placement I realised I hate be labelled either of those, and perhaps it's one of the reasons I don't try and shoe-horn my illustration background into lesson... although as I enjoy drawing, and am proud of it, I do end up dropping pretty big hints! The problem is that my approach to drawing is as analytical as it is expressive and I'm not sure I really fall into what some of the teachers I encounter consider 'creative'. The other side of it is that I find a lot of ideas for what constitutes creative as a little embarrassing and lame - 'let's glue crap together and call it being expressive and creative.'

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