The garden was untidy so
an oddly positioned tree is hardly much of a concern, but our law
mower was broken and we couldn't afford a new one. We can cut the
grass but we have to use a strimmer and it's a pain.
To be honest we might have money for a
cheap mower but we are often so concerned about money, with little
coming in while I'm at college and so much going out, that it's often
easy to ignore essential but infrequently used purchases such as the
mower. Plus, whenever we spend money on those things it's always with
a little regret when we think of the things we'd really like to be
buying - there's not much fun about buying a lawn mower.
The tree was quite tricky to cut down
but it was the kind of hard work that was enjoyable. Once the done I felt quite proud, the garden looked better
for it not being there and there was a strong sense of achievement.
Even as I decided to cut done the
tree I knew what I was really doing. It was over halfway through a
summer holiday I had said I would used productively; organising Uni work, doings readings, variou organisational jobs round the house, etc. Importantly I would
also deal with financial issues to do with student loans. When I cut
the tree down I had done very little but make excuses. Cutting the
tree was both a displacement activity and a way in which to make it
seem like I was productive, it was a fun job I could manage and the improvement would be noticeable. It was,
however, a job that had no long lasting benefits whilst there was other
more important jobs needing doing.
It's not the first time I've done
this. I will often find displacement activities that appear
important, but they are ways I excuse myself from doing something
more important that I'm trying to avoid, it makes it harder for
someone else, in this case my wife, to judge me.
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